Dark Forest Humor
by Brent
Summary: This is an actual Redwall Humor story! This is my first fic so bear with me on this one ok?(oh and this is not the Jonny Quest writer.)


Humorous Redwall  
  
Martin the Founder of Redwall sat in the Dark Forest, playing a friendly game of black   
jack with Gonff the Prince of Mousetheives.   
"Blackjack!" Gonff exclaimed triumphantly, reaching for the candy chestnuts   
from the pot.  
"You cheater! You got that ace from your sleeve! I saw it was my own eyes!"  
Then, Luke the warrior, famous father of Martin walked up to Martin and Gonff   
and said, "Martin! Those confounded Redwallers are being attacked by vermin, again.   
They need your help in dreams!"   
"Aaawww, I don't wanna! Why don't you do it for once?" Martin asked.  
"I'll do it!" Gonff said out of nowhere.  
All at once Luke and Martin chorused, "NO!!"  
"Geez, I was just saying…"  
Then, Rose of Noonvale walked into the clearing from the path, and said,   
"Suppertime, honey. Luke, Gonff, you can stay for dinner if you behave and don't scoff   
to much."  
"Much obliged, marm, but you know I can stay within those qualifications."  
"Hold on Rose, I gotta win these chestnuts from Gonff. I'm winning y'know."   
Martin said chuckling.  
"Now, that's the greatest fib I've heard in all my seasons. And that's counting   
after I died!"  
While the two argued, little Gonflet appeared, and skillfully steals the chestnuts   
from under them. "I gets alla da checknucks, yep!"  
Then, Martin and Gonff realized what happened and started chasing the dead   
dibbun. After a game of cat and mouse er… mouse and mouse, they finally caught   
him.  
Gonflet struggled saying, "Mar'an can'ts do nuffin to Gonflet, Me justs a likkle   
dibbun!" Suddenly Matthias the warrior appears and takes the candy from the fighting   
paws. "Hhaaww, none of you gets the chestnuts, I get them!" ::Sound Editor, queue evil   
laugh:: Cluny then, whips Matthias, takes the candy and runs away. ::Queue gasps from   
all Dark Forest Characters.::   
Gonff looks after the running rat and says, "Well that was unexpected."P  
Martin and Gonff go back to the tree stumps they were on while playing cards,   
"And I was winning too!" Martin exclaims.  
"No you weren't!"  
"Yes I was!"  
"No you weren't!"  
"Yes I was!"  
"No you weren't!"  
Suddenly Luke walks up. "Martin, due to your laziness Redwall has been taken   
over!"  
Martin suddenly snaps his fingers, "I knew I forgot something! Oh well they   
were always fooling around with my precious sword anyway."  
Gonff looks mad, "I told you I could have helped! Should I go fix things?"  
Martin and Luke look away long enough to yell, "NO!!!"  
The Stickles walk up looking very sad, "Ummm Gonff, there is something we   
have to tell you."  
"What is it?"  
"We aren't your real parents! You were adopted!"  
"Well I figured that. I mean your hedgehogs and I'm a mouse it would only make   
sense that I was adopted."  
"Oh. I guess your right. Well carry on." The Stickles run away looking   
embarrassed.  
Martin looks after the running hedgehogs, "Well that was unexpected."  
Brian Jacques walks in looking very appalled. "What have you done to my   
perfectly fine story line?!"  
Suddenly a large echoing voice is heard, "I tweaked it!"  
Jacques looks up to where the voice should be, "You can't do that!"  
The voice yells back, "Of course I can. You are in the realm of…Fanfiction!"  
Suddenly a mob of goodbeasts appear and their collective voices ring out, "Bite   
the paw that feeds us!"  
Gonff cups his hand and yells out, "But he is human!"  
The collective voices ring out again, "Oh yea! Bite the hand that feeds us!"  
Suddenly Jacques is barraged by jumping beasts. He is forced to run away   
ungracefully.  
Gonff shakes his head and says, "Well that was unexpected."  
Martin looks at Gonff and says, "And to think this all started out with me winning   
a game of Blackjack."  
Gonff yells out, "I won!!"  
"No you cheated!"  
"No I didn't!"  
"Yes you did!"  
"No I didn't! Columbine tell him."  
"You did Gonff."  
"No I didn't, Columbine!"  
The collective voices of the mob ring out, "THE END!"  
Gonff looks like he is thinking then says, "Then why am I still talking?"  
The collective voices of the mob ring out, "Shut up!"  
Martin says, "Well that was unexpected."  
Gonff turns to his friend and says, "Highly."  
[A/N] Ok this is the disclaimer. I do not own any of these Redwall characters. Well   
except for the mob so I copyright the mob Hehehehe! Anyway I have nothing against the   
glorious Mr. Jacques so don't think I hate him because! of the way I put him in this   
story, it was purely based on humor not on my feelings toward him. If you have a   
question for the authors direct it to obi_brent@email.com or pat1300@hotmail.com.   
Thank you for reading this story and g'night!  
  



End file.
